Sunday, June 3, 2018

"Duvet Days"

Recently, a Dear blogger posted about, how she tries to blog.  The post is here......  The title of her post was "Pollyanna Calling".  She wondered if she is "rather-Pollyanna-ish", as she chooses not to blog about unhappy happenings.

And I commented no.  She is not "Pollyanna-ish"!  If she is, than I am too.  Because I agree with her choice.
Everyone knows, that no life is perfect.  No human gets away with 365 perfect days/nights a year.  That's a given, no matter how lovely the photos of their house, garden, furnishings, family, etc., are...  Their life can not be alllllll "ups".

Some blogs are "Daily Diary" types.   Some are "DD" without many of the upsets.  Some show one particular topic.  Some show this and that.  (mine)   Some show only perfection.  Some show only accomplishments.  Etc., etc., etc.   All kinds of blogs...   All kinds of choices, for blog material.   And we each make our own choices.

Most of the time, I don't share the things, which make me want to crawl back in bed (under the duvet), and stay there.  I have them.  Everyone does.   And just when I comment, that I don't blog about them....   Well, you know Murphy's Law!  (If something can go wrong, it will.)  Here I am, wanting to share one of those!  -sigh-

I never had to give a thought, to my weight.   I was always 5'3" and 112 pounds.  Even after 3 full pregnancies.  It seems we didn't put on extra weight way-back-then.  We put on enough, to make a baby.  And it didn't stay.  At least, it was this way, for me.  It was a tradition, that I got a new dress, in my 'always-size', to wear when I came home, with a baby.
Of course, we didn't come home from childbirth for 5-6 days, "back at the beginning of time."  But we were not exercising, during that hospital stay!  Or dieting!  So there was nothing magical, about a longer stay.

But!!!!   After my 4th full pregnancy, I kept a few pounds on!!!  😱   Maybe 5-7, I don't remember.  But I was in shock.  😰  This had never happened before!!!!!!!   What to do???   Way-back-then, all I knew, was to STARVE myself.

Way back then, we didn't know, that the best way to gain weight, is to starve the body.  -sighhhhhhhhh-

Seems the genes, from my father's side of the family...  The one with the weight-gain-issues....  kicked in.   And I have been up and down, for the last 50 years.

We never ate fast food.  We don't eat out much.  My husband likes to cook, and he now cooks for us.   Knowing all the things, I can't eat.  Never greasy, or heavy frying, or rich sauces, or daily desserts.  And yet, I am in terrible shape!!!
Now and then, I try some scheme, and lose a few pounds.  Some stay off, some come back.   At this late age, I'd have to give up allllll sugar, and starve myself, to get where I want to be.
Never did any Weight Loss Programs.  If they worked, they'd have gone out of business, long ago.  People can lose a ton, but then, how do they maintain it, for the rest of their lives?   
Every so often, an event comes up, which makes me have to consider...  What will I wear?  One has come up, and brought this whole issue, front and center.  Causing "Duvet Days," when I am kind of depressed, and feel like curling up and staying in bed.
My Dear husband knows, when I get this way, as I know when he is feeling 'down.'  He wants to know what is bothering me.  He always tells me he loves me just as I am.  His only thought, is my health.  We both only want each other's health.   His weight is fine btw.  ,-)  So we "aren't in this" together.  :-)
It has been a depressing few days...  I got the urge to blog about it.  Way away, from my usual blogging plan.  -sigh-   
I'm sure I'm not the only one, who deals with a weight problem.   Look at America!  Look at many places in the world!  We have too many bad food choices, available.  It is too easy, to eat too many empty calories.   Our bodies are the same, as cave people's bodies.   So when we eat less food, our body wants to stuff ourselves, to live through the coming famine.   But famine never comes. 

Well I did it!   I blew my usual "no-duvet-days topics" here.  Perhaps it will let me, lift this cloud of depression...?  Perhaps it will help someone else, to do so?  Perhaps it will do *something,* to just put the tabooooo topic out there...?
Did it? 


Stefanie said...

I personally like it when a blogger keeps it real. Yeah, no one's life is perfect. Thank you for being brave and sharing this topic that makes you want to dive under the duvet.
I've been having some inner gloom about my body weight which is on and off. I weighed myself last week or whenever and was dismayed at the numbers which are more than when we had moved down here. I'm going to try to eat healthier as it's all planned out in my Costco list. I'm proud of myself for working out six times this week; I like how it feels and how I feel more energetic during the day. I just keep trying. I love my home baked sweets and chocolate candy. I'm hope to stay off from processed, freezer food and cook more like I used to.

Elaine said...

No time to comment right now, Luna. Grandchildren will be here for breakfast in 10 minutes - but I will return! Meanwhile, a great big virtual hug.

Jo said...

There's so many of us who feel the same as you do, and even people who I think look great aren't happy with their own weight or body shape, so I think most of us feel this way. I never used to have a weight problem but I hit forty, stopped smoking and stopped working and the weight piled on, I've been struggling for the last ten years now.

Elaine said...

Burdened by weight problems and all the baggage that goes with it? You bet - and it didn't even start out as my weight, it was my poor mother's struggles with her excess poundage which has had a life-long effect on me.

Her dieting began back in the 1950's, when slimming pills were handed out like sweeties (candy) by the doctor. What they didn't realise was that they messed with the brain and became addictive. All I knew was that I had a very loving mum who had a fiery temper and who often threatened to kill herself by various methods. As a young child I was always convinced this was my fault, though I didn't know how - the same with the loud rows between my parents. They didn't divorce, they loved each other and to all outward appearances we had a happy family home. The pills were one big factor in her developing schizophrenia, with all the problems that entailed, but that is a different story.

As for me, I have spent a lifetime 'managing' my eating. Sometimes starving myself, other times stuffing myself. I have tried diets, but the focus on food becomes overwhelming and I can't cope, I have seen a therapist, done talking therapy, hypnosis, etc. One thing I will never do is take a diet pill - in fact I rarely take pills for anything, including migraine or back pain...

Right now I am trying out a different approach. No food is banned, I can eat anything I want - providing I am really hungry, really want to eat it, and then eat it very slowly, savouring every morsel. Sounds silly, but it is working. Some of the stress around food is dissipating, I really hope that it continues. My excess poundage is 14lbs. "What?" I hear you cry. Yes, 14lbs, but due to body dysmorphia it feels like so much more.

It is a legacy which I need to deal with. No more duvet days for me, life is too short for hiding away. I hadn't even owned a pair of trousers or jeans until we came to live at Parsonage Cottage, then I discovered that long walks demand practical clothing, especially the walks that I do, when possible. It took a big mental effort to even go shopping for them, let alone walking out in them for the first time. Stupid, wasn't it? I love my walks, and who else would care what I looked like anyway?

I know this does not solve your problems, but I hope it will help you in some small way. I hope you are out from under that duvet and feeling better, dear friend.

wisps of words said...

STEFANIE And you are young! And have already had this issue, raise its ugly head. -sigh-

It's wonderful that you consistently exercise. Never stop. It is too hard, to begin again.

Planning to cook more from scratch, bypassing processed/fast foods, is the best way to go. For you and for your family too.

Thank you for commenting.

wisps of words said...

Thank you for sharing your views on this topic.

Yes, there are many, who have some sort of worry, about this. Each with our own 'story,' of how/why we do. I hope this post, will allow us, to "get our story out."

Age definitely does not help. And it is so unfair, that when you did one thing, wonderful for you health (quit smoking), that a result was weight gain. So unfair!!!

wisps of words said...

I want to hug you, my Dear, Dear Friend. We both had very hurtful issues to deal with, growing up. Not the same childhood story, but.... Yours was your mother's, and mine, was my father's alcoholism. And the shadows remain, even after all these years.

Children can not grow up, convinced of their somehow-guilt, and not have it effect them. Nor can one grow up, with the constant _uncertainty_ of living with an alcoholic, without it effecting me.

Your present plan, sounds wise. And I have seen it, before. On the one I saw, you were to stock up on so called 'forbidden'foods and get your fill of them, when you were hungry. Which got rid of the stigma of "forbidden foods.' ------ Then eat only when truly hungry, and only enough to satisfy. Knowing you could eat anything, again, the next time you were hungry.

The hard thing, about this/any personal plan, is living with another person. :-) Especially a person, who does not have a weight problem. It's hard for my husband to eat, when I do not. And it's hard for him to know what to cook (since retirement, he is the live in Chef), if we are not eating at the same time. -sigh-

He would do _anything_, to help me!!!!!! But that doesn't make it, any easier.

Then, at our age (81-85), it gets rather sad, to place so much emphasis on how-can-I-lose-weight? It "seems" that we "have the right," to enjoy healthy food, without tension. It "seems." :-)

But on the other side of that, is health. We both want the best health, for each other. Naturally. So we have more years of being well, together. For this, should I work harder, on my weight loss??????????

Thank you so much, for sharing! Yes, it does help, to realize that I am far from being alone, in this. I hope it does, for others, toooooo.

Rain said...

Hi Wisps of Words :) I'm sorry you feel bad about your weight. It's not easy to lose and maintain. I was always 120 pounds my whole adult life...then after the burnout I gained 100 + pounds on meds and held it there for 5 years until I got off the meds and found my motivation. I lost 97 pounds and kept it off for a few years. But...I've gained 20 or so in the last 4 years. I'm not fat or anything, I'm healthy, just a little "portly" lol. Alex doesn't care, I don't long as my goal is health and mobility, for me weight is just a number. I do more yoga than anything to help with my flexibility and achy breaky body, a little walk each morning with the dogs keeps me active.

local alien said...

I usually only blog the good times but we certainly have a downside to our life. I'm preparing a blog post on the downside of living on a small greek island. Everyone has ups and downs and around here there is a lot of negativity.
I have been a yo-yo dieter all my life. Lose 20 kilos, put on 25. I'm too old to carry all that extra weight and am slowly losing by eating only one meal a day. Sounds terrible but so easy for me. I eat what I want once a day and just drink water and black coffee in-between.
Not easy here where eating and drinking are a national pastime you may but I have stopped thinking that f calories, fat or sugar and am losing weight and feeling so much better.
Good luck to you!!!

Lilbitbrit said...

Hi, Thank you for stopping by my blog Lilbitbrit and taking the time to leave a comment. I too try to stick to all the good things, with a few problems thrown in but nothing too personal. Weight gain is such a universal problem and I think more people have it than don't, especially after menopause. I personally find it impossible to stick to a diet, so have been trying my own plan which I call controlled eating. Eating less, small dinner plate, less carbs, but if I want a piece of pizza or a biscuit I have it but compensate for it. I positively hate the gym, boring !!! So my garden is my gym and now I have more time to be out there, it makes me fitter. It is not easy. A friend of mine who has always been over weight has had great success with Bright Line. But I like to do my own thing.

Mama Pea said...

Sorry I'm late chiming in here . . . just too darn much to do of a day's time around here lately.

I loved this post of yours. And so did others by the comments it brought out. The thing is you can blog about something that isn't necessarily all sunshine and roses. It's the way you do it that doesn't come across negative or whining. (That's what I fear -- coming across as whining -- when I blog about less than positive feelings.) We're all human and have Duvet Days (gosh, I love that phrase!), how can life be otherwise?

I won't even attempt to go into my own weight issues. My mom was very, very over weight and I've often been extremely glad I didn't get her body type. Still, I've never been able to eat everything and anything I wanted (I really love good food!) without having it show up as bulges on my body. Now, even though I'll never wear the size pants again that I once did (sigh), I'm primarily concerned about having a healthy, strong body as you are.

Anyway, thank you for this post. It was a good one! You know how to write about trials and troubles without being depressing. You're just expressing feelings.

wisps of words said...

To find the place, where we are content with our weight! You have. And it is wonderful. If frees up so much mental time, and physical time, for so many good things.

Not being happy with my weight, takes so much of my mental time, and effort. And thus, hurts my all over quality of life.

Which seems so silly, in the long run.

I need to do as you have done....Find that magic place!

Thank you for sharing!

wisps of words said...

You have found a way, to lose weight, which works for you!!! That is the key! Wonderful!

And thus, you will arrive, at the place, where you are happy with your weight. That magic place.

Thank you for adding your views here!

wisps of words said...

Thank you for commenting here. And sharing your ideas, on this issue.

I too, can _not_ do a Program Diet, nor go to a gym. ,-) But we do need to keep moving, and you have found your way. I still do not even walk daily. Which is my own fault! No excuses! I need to "move my bloomin' ass", as 'Eliza' sang, in "My Fair Lady"!!!!!

Plus, you have your own eating plan. So you are way ahead of the game, on both these aspects.

Thank you for sharing, and hopefully, encouraging me!

wisps of words said...

Thank you for commenting. Yes, you are right. It's best, if we talk about unpleasant issues, without sounding "Oh woe is me". :-) And you certainly can do this! When poor Papa Pea does one of his falls, or boo-boo's, you add humor to it. And gracious, but such things, need humor added to them. I have a husband too, and he too, does those "getting book-boo's things"! Oh mercy! Need to laugh.

Yes!!! "Ladies of a certain age" need worry only about health and ability to keep on movin'! We'll never get our "girlish figures" back. It was with a sigh and a chuckle, that I put these illustrations, on this post!!!!

Susan said...

It is such a shame that this insane focus on how women MUST look - the ridiculous body ideal - is still going on. And who mandates how we must look? Betcha it isn't women. I am so glad I have finally reached an age where perfection means nothing. Perfection is boring. I only focus on the quality of the food I eat. I am, of course, conscious of not eating things that are bad for me, health-wise. To me, diet is not a fad; it is balance.

wisps of words said...

Who mandates how women "must" look? Nope, not women. I actually think it is gay male designers, and gay male Hollywood types.

Just look at the "waifs" on Fashion Runway Shows. And at how film actresses are always being told to "lose a few pounds." Ta-dahhh... Bingo.

And the ones who suffer most from this, are the young.

Grown women are "mostly" able to forget the "Must Rules," and want Health and Suppleness.

But unless grown women, have paid attention to their Health and Suppleness, all their lives....

When older, they can come up against a Wall.

Realizing how important Health and Suppleness are!

Even more so, the older we get.

But how hard it is, to get back Health and Suppleness, with age.

And that is what I am referring to here. The Wall. The result of not paying enough attention. -sigh-

Thank you for weighing in, with a comment. You my Dear, have done it all right. Kept Health/Suppleness in mind, all along. :-) Good for you!